A Choirboy's View on Same-Sex Marriage

I want to start off this post with a little backstory on my relationship to homosexuality. From the time that I have been in high school, I have had gays, lesbians, and bisexuals among my closest circle of friends. This isn't surprising since I was in choir and band, and then I spent a good deal of my time after high school discerning for the Catholic priesthood. If you don't think you will run into a lot of homosexuals while discerning for the Catholic priesthood, you are gravely mistaken. ALMOST all of them are celebrating the decision made by the Supreme Court last week, and I have been watching my Facebook feed blow up like a cross between a three year-old with finger paints and a Care Bear stare. It's raining rainbows, and that's not even possible.

Now, among my group of friends, I would say that I am in the absolute minority in opposing the civil recognition of same-sex marriage. I respect their feelings on the matter, and I do not fault them for them, but I am a 1000% certain that most of  them do not have the same respect for mine; many of them don't probably even know that I am opposed to it.

But let's back up. First off, I want to say that I am absolutely against ANY discrimination against a person on the mere basis of their sexual orientation. I am against this because my Catholic faith leads me to believe that every person is in the image of God, that they were made with challenges and talents (sometimes the same thing) just like everyone else, and that they have the right to pursue holiness and happiness just like everyone else. My Catholic faith loudly proclaims:
"They (homosexual persons) must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided." (CCC 2358)

It is for this reason that I generally conceal my opposition to same-sex marriage. If in any way my views or opinions on the matter prevent me from helping or being a friend to someone who identifies as gay, lesbian, trans, bi, or other, I want those to be minimized and to simply be present to that person as a loving Christian. On the other hand, I genuinely believe, and this is based on both faith and experience, that LGBTQ individuals will be happier, healthier, and more integrated if they adopt a lifestyle based on the teachings of Christ in the Catholic faith. That doesn't mean that they must try to "change their orientation", hide their identity, or that they will never fail. It simply means that they will integrate their view of sexuality with that of believing it to be a participation in the creative mystery of God. The Lord knows I fail on this almost constantly myself, so I don't expect anything different from anyone else. That's why, in the Catholic Church, we put Reconciliation and Healing at the center of our worship.

On the other hand, it seems almost ludicrous to me that, at the head of most movements raising the banner of "the sanctity of marriage" are Churches that are full of second, third, and fourth marriages, as if something can truly be sacred which is violated by almost every Christian denomination. As a Catholic, I can't help but think that unions, often even celebrated in Churches, which amount to no more than "I promise to file joint tax returns and have sex (+ contraception) with you until I can't stand you any more" aren't really any better than performing a same-sex marriage at the same altar. Same-sex marriage is rooted on the same philosophical premise as pretty much 85% of the marriages performed in this country, so it shouldn't really surprise anyone that the Supreme Court ruled that they should have the same protections.

I am worried about the effect that this will have on the relationship between religion and public life, particularly in places (like the South) where religion has enjoyed a position of high respect and privilege. In fact, it seems to me that the particular concern the founders (of both the nation and the states) showed to give religion that place of privilege in civic life, preclude us from judging those who oppose same-sex marriage on religious grounds, merely because those objections come from their religion. As the civic life, because of this ruling, takes on more and more of a different flavor from that which most of the populace is seeing and hearing preached in their Churches, we should expect those churches to do one of two things: either dwindle as fewer and fewer people are able to square their experience inside the Church with that outside the church or change their doctrinal stances to accommodate civil society, in which case they will also dwindle as ordinary people begin to see them as meaningless or extraneous. While I cannot agree with the institution of civil marriage as it previously existed in this country, I also can't agree with changing it, as changing it will, in general, lead to irreparable harm to the prevalence of religion in this country. Only if individuals' opinions were changed freely, through a fair and democratic process (not litigation), should an institution as ancient and venerable as marriage have been altered to accommodate those changes in perspective.

St. Aelred of Rievaulx, pray for us!