The Ten Commandments as Taught by Modern America

1. I am the Lord thy God, whom thou hast imprinted on thy money; thou shalt not have any other gods before me...except money.

2. Thou shalt not use the name of the Lord thy God in earnest.

3. Remember the Lord's day, to do thy mowing, lawn work, and other household chores.

4. Blame thy father and mother for all thy ills; for thus thou shalt gain sympathy from others and shew thyself independent.

5. Thou shalt not behold animals being killed for thy food.

6. Thou shalt divorce when thou desirest.

7. Thou shalt cheat the government and thy creditors.

8. Thou shalt not tell the truth bluntly, as if truth existed.

9. Thou shalt not wear clothes that allow thee to go unnoticed.

10. Thou shalt strive to have all that thy neighbor hath.